Ask, Don’t Tell: The Leadership Shift That Transforms Team Performance

Are you the bottleneck in your own business? Discover how one simple shift in your leadership approach can free up your time and finally empower your team to operate independently.

The Hidden Leadership Trap Holding Back Your Business Growth

Let me ask you something…

Have you ever felt like you’re the only person in your business who can solve problems? Does it feel like if you don’t step in and fix something, it simply won’t get fixed?

Or maybe you’ve explained the same process over and over again to someone on your team until you’re completely exasperated because they still “just don’t get it.”

If you’re nodding along, you’re not alone. After 14 years of helping business owners build high-performing teams, I’ve noticed this pattern emerge time and again.

But here’s the surprising truth: The very leadership approach that seems most efficient in the moment is actually creating long-term inefficiency in your organisation.

Why “Just Tell Them What to Do” Backfires

When you’re stretched thin across multiple priorities (as every business owner is), your natural response to team questions or problems is to provide quick, clear answers:

“Here’s what you need to do…” “Do it this way instead…” “Next time, make sure you…”

This telling approach feels efficient. After all, you know the answer, your time is limited, and explaining everything feels like the fastest path forward.

But here’s what’s really happening: Every time you tell someone the answer, you create dependency, not growth.

When you consistently provide answers rather than encouraging thinking, you create a team environment where members constantly come to you before making decisions, projects stall when you’re unavailable, and the same problems keep recurring in slight variations. You become the bottleneck for everything from small decisions to major initiatives.

Your team isn’t intentionally creating this dynamic—they’re simply responding to the pattern you’ve established. And as your business grows, this approach becomes increasingly unsustainable.

The Transformative Shift: From Telling to Asking

The solution isn’t complicated, but it does require a fundamental mindset shift. Instead of being the problem-solver, you need to become the question-asker.

Here’s why this is so powerful: Questions activate thinking while answers shut it down.

When you tell someone what to do, their brain goes into execution mode. They focus on following directions rather than developing understanding or critical thinking skills.

But when you ask a thoughtful question, you invite them to think, process, and develop their own solutions. This is the critical difference between team members who simply execute tasks versus those who truly own their responsibilities.

How Asking Questions Works in Practice

Let’s look at how this plays out in real scenarios:

When a Team Member Makes a Mistake

The Tell Approach: “I noticed this mistake. You did this wrong. Next time, do it this way instead.”

The Ask Approach: “I noticed this outcome wasn’t what we expected. What led you to make this decision? What options did you consider along the way?”

When a Project Isn’t Meeting Deadlines

The Tell Approach: “Here’s what you need to do to get this project back on track. Do this, contact this person, create this document, schedule this meeting.”

The Ask Approach: “I’ve noticed this project seems to have stalled. What do you see as the main obstacles right now? What do you think you could do differently to meet our deadline?”

When a Performance Issue Arises

The Tell Approach: “Your numbers are down. You need to make more calls and get more meetings to achieve those targets.”

The Ask Approach: “I’ve noticed your numbers are down month on month. What do you think is going on? These numbers are important to the business because [explain context]. What approaches could help lift these numbers?”

“But I Don’t Have Time for All These Questions!”

I know what you’re thinking: “Paula, this sounds great in theory, but I don’t have time for all these questions. It’s definitely faster to just tell people what to do.”

And you’re right—in the short term.

But here’s the perspective shift I invite you to consider: this is an investment. You’re investing time now to save massive amounts of time later. You’re also investing in your own sanity and freedom.

Think about how much time you currently spend answering the same questions repeatedly, fixing the same problems, checking work that should have been done correctly, and being pulled into issues someone else should be handling.

When you invest in asking questions that develop your team’s thinking, you gradually eliminate all that time drain.

Your Leadership Challenge

Here’s a simple challenge to start implementing this approach:

Choose one conversation this week where you would normally tell someone the answers. Instead, experiment with asking them questions and notice what happens—not just in the moment, but in future interactions.

Ask yourself:

• Are they operating more independently?
• Are they bringing solutions instead of problems?
• Are they showing more initiative than before?

I believe you’ll see a difference, even from this small experiment.

Moving Forward: From Operational Manager to Strategic Leader

This shift from telling to asking is one of the most powerful leadership transformations I see in my clients. It’s the foundation for moving from being constantly in the weeds of your business to leading strategically.

When your team develops the capacity to think and operate independently, you create space to focus on growth opportunities, develop new offerings, strengthen client relationships, and yes—actually take holidays without your business falling apart.

The shift doesn’t happen overnight, but it begins with a simple decision to change your approach, followed by consistent practice.

Want Support Making This Shift?

If you’re ready to transform how you lead your team and create the kind of responsibility and ownership that actually frees you up to work ON your business rather than IN it, I’d love to help.

Book a free Dream Team Discovery Call and we can chat about your specific situation, your team, and how I can support you through this powerful leadership shift.

Because remember: Great leaders ask, they don’t tell. This single mindset shift could be the key to finally creating the self-sufficient team you’ve been dreaming of.

In my next article, I’ll be sharing the three questions every business owner should be asking in team meetings to instantly boost accountability and performance. Join my email community so you don’t miss it!

Paula Maidens is a CEO & Team Advisor, Hiring Strategist, and Leadership Coach who helps small business owners build high-performing teams through strategic hiring expertise, team performance optimization, and leadership development.